it's been 17 years since my first breath...

16 of them were spent running through time with simple routines that kept me busy and essentially blind . I never really thought to, not necessarily stop, but at least slow down to grasp each day with the understanding that life was much bigger than what I thought it to be.

A year ago I found a pattern in the seamless fabric of time: when people underestimate the value of their life they loose the will to live it.

I really don't want to make this about me because I sincerely want to make all my material relative to you and people in general so that you may find some hope, or maybe just a little understanding, but in this case I think my story is common and I think (i hope) that you can relate to it and be inspired to change. I will make this as brief as I possibly can be (lucky for you I wouldn't even know how to tell my story even if I wanted to so you don't have to worry about that, haha.)

I had started to devalue life as a child, which actually isn't that long ago... Anywhoozle, One thing after another happened - good and bad. But because I was going so fast through the motions I didn't have time to see the good, only time to feel the bad. Every now and again I felt the joy you get from being with friends and the comfort you get from a hug on a crappy day, but it always seemed overcast by all the built up pain. So with every step closer to rock bottom I ignorantly took my time on this earth for granted, until one day I had seemingly completely lost the will to live.

I need to start seeing the beauty in life and document it as proof. We all need to do this. Wether it be by writing, typing, painting, recording, or just taking the time to think it through, we need to remember. I chose to forget the good things and held onto the bad things because it was easier. But convenience is the devil's advocate and tempts us to live life numb. The truth is, Life is bigger than most of us can comprehend and there is beauty in everything...

...even a plastic bag.

"It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing

and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it.

And this bag was, like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes.

And that's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and... this incredibly

benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever.

Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember... and I need to remember...

Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world

I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in."

(American Beauty)